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Today was rough. Really rough.

I don't ever want to see that again. I don't ever want to live in the countryside again.



Long story short, a horse living next to us fell ill, and instead of seeing what was wrong with her, the owner just decided to 'put her out of her misery'.

It was extremely... draining. Mentally, physically. I feel like shit. I cried for an hour, got really angry, yelled a bit, and cried some more.

I've since calmed down - I am not angry with the owner any more - I am just sad. So sad.

I am both broken-hearted and full of love for the people who tried to help her.

I am so grateful that strangers even took a notice.

I am grateful I donated money to Animal Rights and Rescue a week ago.







I don't want to be on VR any more.

I am going to see Judgement in a few weeks.

I feel like the only reason I keep this account is because I use it to talk to Judgement when my internet goes down.





I need to have a warm shower, cuddle my cat and read books.

I'm "out of it" lately. Can't be bothered with VR, can't be bothered with much else. I apply for jobs, talk to my boyfriend, sometimes reply to other messages. I don't know what it is - I am not "feeling" most things right now.

Except for Fallout New Vegas - I am very much feeling that. I've been playing it as much as I can, with all the spare time I have.



I need to go shopping, but an extremely annoying and frustrating event this morning prevented that, so I'll have to go shopping late tonight, or tomorrow - and tomorrow is the 23rd of December. On sadder reflection, I'll have to go in tomorrow - because mum is the only one in the house who wants to do Christmas, thus expects a gift. If she doesn't get one from one of us, she'll never drop it.

So I'll have to get her one tomorrow.

I still need to buy good, though... ugh. I'm so annoyed that my plans were fucked over by someone's exceedingly selfish act.



Good has come out of it - I played Fallout for hours uninterrupted, and I had a nice nap.



I need to think of a new idea - I want to get my kitty a present, but they sold out of the tunnels I wanted - he's got a long black one, and I wanted to get him a Y-junction tunnel to connect onto his existing one.

I think I may get him a new scratchy cardboard-board - he loves them. Recyclable cardboard cat-scratchers are the best.

I may also get him one or two prawns. He may like them. Maybe mum or dad will buy some - and I can have one for Momo.

and I may buy him a nice Fancy Feast or premium single-serve kitty food. He loves gravy. Cutie.



I really needed to buy painkillers, as we're out of them, and I have a headache. Maybe the permanent headaches are what's making me feel so "can't be fucked" lately.



I've been sleeping better, which is lovely.



I have... 7 weeks until I see my boyfriend. Do you have any idea how excited I am?



I've been nearly entirely vegan for the last 3-5 weeks. I take supplements that contain milk-powder, but that can't be helped right now. Those are the only things I take with any animal products in them. When I am out of the supplements, I'll ask my doctor if she knows of any vegan ones I can have, ask to see a dietician, ask them if they know of vegan ones, and if I can't find any, I'll go off and search by myself.

I got very unwanted unsolicited advice from someone online about it, telling me to "just eat balanced" not knowing I've got Anorexia Nervosa - even if I did "eat balanced" it'll take about a year, maybe more, for my mineral/vitamin levels to return to anything close to normal, and I should continue having high doses of calcium even when I am "eating balanced", to try restore some of the damage that has been done.

And I'm nowhere nearly "eating balanced" just yet - hence the freaking supplements - an attempt at damage control.

Gah.

He told me to "detox your colon" - detoxing is entirely bullshit and could literally kill someone with my illness (and other illnesses) in days. The shit you need to drink to "detox" is so stupidly high in some minerals and vitamins that I'd overload and my body would shut down, because I can't process the huge amounts of crap. Likewise even "water detox" is bullshit and could make me critically ill - flushout and water-down my already imbalanced electrolytes and again, lead to death.

People who give this bullshit advice don't think that people are sick - they give the advice to anyone they come across and it's wrong as fuck to do that, because the person literally told me they could "cure me" of whatever was wrong - didn't ASK what was wrong, assumed I am just worried about my calcium levels and taking supplements - gah. It's so dangerous.

They told me then that they're studying to be a "nutritionist" - which is nothing. Nutritionists aren't medical professionals - they're fucking quacks. There's no regulated training, no board, no professional registration, no academic regulation, no practice regulations, nothing. Nothing to make sure "Nutritionists" are regulated or controlled in training and practice - nothing.

GAH. I am even angrier because nutritionists tout that they ARE medical professionals and that they DO know what they're talking about - people who study to be a "nutritionist" are too fucking lazy and cheap to become Dieticians, but feel they're on equal par with Dieticians - who ARE a registered medical board and body.